What Can I Say? This House is Falling Apart

Lots of things to talk about right now.  First, I feel like I should mention that I am currently sitting in my local Apple store because of Murphy's Law decided to strike on Thursday but I'll get to that. 

This past weekend, I got to go to DC to spend time with some of my favorite people.  It was a quick trip but definitely a necessary one.  I got to spend a whole day with the wonderful Campbell which was a lot of fun even with the rain.  Big Boy Campbell and I had never really spent time together so discussing things like how Lizzie and I are sisters like he and Reagan are brothers was extremely entertaining.  I wish I had more time to spend with his big brother but I know that I will make this happen on a visit and will not wait quite as long to go back.

I forgot how much I really did love DC.  I say that all the time but now I realize that I still don't really want to live there, it's a little too humid for me, I like my summers warm but not sticky.  I don't do sticky.  It was nice having public transportation all weekend and not worrying about parking and such.

So now getting to why I am sitting in the Apple store.  I am taking a Web Development class this summer.  It is scary and intense and will be essentially a full time job all summer.  I came back from DC and continued to finish the prework I was supposed to complete prior to my course starting, everything was good for about two days.  I planned to finish the rest of my work on Wednesday but my computer had other ideas.  Long story short, my hard drive crashed, I'm an idiot and didn't have everything backed up so I had to have the whole thing recovered in addition to a new drive installed. 

My computer should be ready Monday or Tuesday but that still means a fair amount of school time without all the programs I need.  I do have the best mother and sister ever though.  Both of them have lent me their computers (well Lizzie's old one) so I could try to make them work.  Hence, the second trip to the Apple store this week, to update the operating system on my mom's computer.  It is taking what feels like a million years to install but slowly but surely, I will make this happen.  Seriously, my mom is the best though, she didn't have to lend me her computer let alone let me make all these changes to it but she is because she loves me and doesn't want my head to explode. 

This is going to be an interesting summer and apparently I will be reflecting on it online but I haven't decided if it will be here or somewhere else.  If it is somewhere else, I will post the link but I might want to keep the two separate. 

Sunshine Blinds You If You Stare

So I guess I will start off by saying that as of yesterday, I have been a big sister for over 21 years which is pretty solid.  My sister kinda rocks.  Seriously, she's great.

Now on to life updates:
Is it possible to be ready for a career change without ever really having a career?  Well, it's starting to look like I am.  I have been trying to teach myself code off and on for a while but now I am actually trying to stick with it.  I spent a few hours working on it today and will do more tomorrow and so on, until I can get this down.  I am looking for a boot camp program where I learn A LOT in a very short amount of time (between 9 and 12 weeks) so I can leave being a Jr. Developer.  I'm realizing now that at 18, I had no idea what I wanted, very few people really do but we are all expected to have found our path by then.  Well, at least the path to take us to a midlife crisis change.  I've always liked computers and making things happen yet I was too afraid of failing to take the risk and study it in college.  Turns out that it may not have done me much good taking that route anyway but now, I think this is what I want to be doing.

More updates include a few interviews I had over the past few weeks.  I interviewed at two very similar companies only to realize that I didn't want to be doing the job they had to offer.  If I thought I could tough it out for a year, I would have pursued it but then I would be back where I am now in a year.  This was really the catalyst for changing career objectives.

I had a phone interview this morning which was really nice.  I wasn't sure I wanted the job when I found out I had the interview, but I thought the location was great and figured it couldn't hurt to see what they had to say.  In the end, I would really like to see this one through, it could be the right stepping stone for right now.

Speaking of location, I took a road trip to Northern California last week.  I didn't have work due to the local school district having "Ski Week" so my friend asked if I wanted to go play tourist in San Francisco, so we had a great time.  She is currently on assignment in Southern California and since she was only here for a few months, she wanted to try to get in a trip up north while she was here.  It was a lot of fun because I don't always feel like I can go and play tourist up there because so many of my friends live there and I have been a handful of times.  I think I am now in love with the city.  It combines so many of the things I love about both LA and DC that I am leaning towards a move up there if I can swing it at some point.  I'm 24, now's the time to move and make changes right?

After the weekend in San Fran, I spent the next 36ish hours in wine country with one of my oldest friends.  My coworker and I always joke that we fail to act our age but I actually had an adventure and went wine tasting.  I think I will need to work on my tasting abilities if I go again in the future, I'm not sure I appreciated it as much as I should have.

The end of the trip was spent in Berkeley just spending time with a friend I missed very much.  I got to see some of the town but was honestly just more interested in catching up and hanging out.  I left early the following morning to have an exploratory meeting about a company that I would love to work for and then after a quick stop in Santa Cruz to see yet another friend, I started the long journey home.

I really want to plan a really solid road trip with friends that included some white water rafting and maybe a skydive or something but we shall have to wait and see when the timing works out.

This was a lot more than I had intended to write but I want to go now and see if I can manage a little more code learning before bed.

I'm a, I'm a-a diva (hey), I'm a, I'm a a diva

Forgive me, it's been a while.  I am starting this post at about 11:25 on January 17th and it will be one that will be overindulgent on feelings and just me in general.  My birthday starts in 35 minutes, which is part of the reason I am still awake after a mentally challenging day.

I love my birthday, I try not to since I guess that is the appropriate thing to do but as Lizzie called me earlier, I am a Birthday Diva.  There have been some I have been really sick for (the plague of having a birthday that falls shortly after school starts again), some not so great ones, and some that I have spent exactly how I wanted to.

I love the nice little things that people are kind enough to do for me, having little cousins sing happy birthday, the phone calls, the personal messages, the cakes and the time people take out of their day to acknowledge it.

I have been reflecting on the last year, trying to figure out if I really accomplished anything.  I have a part time job that I love and I feel like I am making at least a small difference there.  I don't know if my friendships have gotten weaker or stronger from the changing distances that have been increasingly cemented over the last year.  There is still so much uncertainty and a lot of me still feels very stuck and unchanging.  It's hard to be the one who doesn't seem to change when everything else around you is.

I planned as full a day as I could for tomorrow because I know I will need to keep myself distracted from the one thing that really changed this year.  January 18, 2012 was the last time I was able to see one of my favorite people ever alive and fairly well.  My grandmother passed away less than a week after my birthday and I had gone to see her in the hospital.  Everyone who knows me well knew what a rough blow this was and a year later, it's a little easier to talk about but I miss her everyday and think of her through all the little habits she taught me.  She had great joy in using her rewards card at the end a grocery check out rather than the start because she loved watching the price drop and seeing her couponing success.  She was the original extreme couponer.

So tomorrow, I will be a huge Birthday Diva, and that's just the way it's going to be.

What do I stand for? What do I stand for?

Since I am no longer as diligent about posting as I used to be, I tend to have a lot of ideas of what I am going to write about by the time I actually get around to sitting down and writing, and this time was no different.  I think future topics will include my fear about raising children in the future, the increasing use of technology in the classroom, increased updates on my life etc but this time, I think I need to talk about how I feel about the current situation in Israel.

Let me start by saying that I find  my connection to Israel fascinating because unlike my connection to other places, this connection is not derived from a stay there.  Being Jewish in the Diaspora generally means we all have an assumed connection to Israel and while I have yet to visit, because of camp, I know a good number of people who call Israel home.  I want to visit but at the same time, I think I'm scared not because of the threat of physical danger but because being there is supposed to be lifechanging.  What if I go and don't have that lifechanging moment of clarity?  How will it alter my view of myself in respect to my religion?  It's extremely common for most Jews to struggle with their Jewish identity, some would even say that that is what makes us Jewish but I sometimes think that this struggle has been a little more intense for me because it was a decision I had to make over and over which will impact large decisions in the future.

So the situation at hand is impossible to grapple with from this distance.  I am sitting at work, excited that I will not have to get into a pool for the foreseeable future, that I bought gas for less than $4 a gallon today and my friend was in a bomb shelter not too long ago.  Hearing from her that she was evacuated to safety in Tel Aviv put the whole situation in clearer perspective.  She is one of my closest friends and not an Israeli citizen, she is an American student spending six months abroad in Eretz Yisrael yet the bombs are still coming at her.

I work with Israeli citizens now and have since I was 17 and I can't imagine being in there shoes right now.  Some of them are getting called back up to fight, some are being evacuated to shelters and the ones here are constantly trying to communicate with their loved ones back home.  During Superstorm Sandy, my family was unable to contact one of my aunties until about a week later (she's fine) because we couldn't get non-local calls to her.  That was scary enough and these people are dealing with direct relatives.

It's hard feeling as helpless as I do because there is nothing I can do to make the situation any better for any of these people in my life.  I feel like everything I have to say is so trivial about the whole situation because I am so detached from all of it.  This is not my reality by any means and trying to reconcile how to be there for my friends without overwhelming them is a hard line to balance.

The American media covers most things Israel in a very interesting light.  The bias changes depending on the situation but if you are unaware of Israel's policies, the media can sometimes spin it in a way that makes Israel look like the bad guy to support American policies.  Looking back at the release of Gilad Shalit last year, this was an important move, reenforcing to Israelis that they would not be sacrificed or forgotten by their country even if it means negotiating with terrorists.  I understand the idea behind not negotiating with terrorists but it would be nice to know that my country stood behind my friends in our military the way Israel stands behind their soldiers.  It's hard to get an accurate account of anything going on because the media is starting to treat Hamas like it's something other than a terrorist group.

Okay, I have not been articulate or connected in any way through this but I think I got my point across a little.  I should really do productive things at work now.

So This is the New Year and I Don't Feel Any Different

So hard as I might try to be good, I think of a ton of things to post here and then somehow never seem to remember to post when I have the time.  This obviously leads to things like a 1AM post when I should be sleeping.

So life updates first:

I still have a crazy schedule since I currently work three jobs but two of the schedules stay pretty stable so that helps create a little more routine than I had last year which is nice.  The third job is starting to taper off since the weather is finally getting cooler so that means it might be time to find a new third job in addition to the constant search for something a little more permanent.

I guess I should go back a bit and just talk about the things I was brainstorming about a few weeks ago.  Working at the synagogue has reminded me about so many holidays that I either never understood or appreciated as a kid and has made me realize that as Jewish as I feel sometimes, I have been very disconnected from the community as a whole for the past few years.  This year was the first High Holidays I had actively participated in for a few years.

Since I work with some of the teens, I was hired to design and run the teen program for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur this year.  I read a lot of programs designed by other people before I could choose what I thought were the most important things that I wanted to discuss with these kids.  I always go in knowing that I can't get 100% approval rate from parents and kids but it's still hard not to worry about all those things.

I realized that I would love to work with these kids on a more regular basis because there are so many things that I would love to talk about with them but it's not possible to create the kind of bond you need to really tackle tough issues with teens.  Sometimes I wonder if they ever get some of the important lesson that they teach in college, for example, all the issues pertaining to sexual assault and how to handle it, but they are being faced with earlier than adults expect.

I am getting off topic but I guess programming for these holidays was also a lot about trying to convince the teens to look inside themselves and see the good and the bad within themselves pertaining to their actions for the past year.  I know that I have helped the teens I work with feel like they are a more valued part of the community but I also know that I fell short on planning and implementing programs that teach them what could be invaluable lessons if it could help them handle future situations more positively.

I will attempt to have a more coherent post soon but I was just thinking that I should at least put something up tonight since I was thinking about it and had a little time.  Hopefully I will get my butt to yoga tomorrow so I start working on my goal to treat my whole self better.

Believe in yourself! Take your game into outer space!

So I know it has been FOREVER since I last updated this and I had all sorts of ideas of what to write about and now the Olympics are here and that is really distracting.

I could complain about the Olympics and the frustrations I have about the way they broadcast them but I think it would be better to just focus on the things that I am loving about these games.

1. The athletes without a country marching in the Parade of Nations actually looked like they were enjoying themselves.  They were dancing and just generally having fun unlike a lot of the other athletes who looked too serious to enjoy themselves.  Yes, it's an international competition but sports are also supposed to be fun.

2. The pictures I get from the stands of some of the events from my British friends who are actually there.  It's cool, but I am jealous.

3. We get to hear about athletes from around the world that might go unheard of by the general population otherwise.

4.  I record the events I want to see so I can skip all the silly commercials and commentary.

5. When John Orozco got off the floor, you heard Horton comment to him that he was now done with his first day at the Olympics as if he was trying to make it seem like it was no big deal.  If I could work with an Olympic team, it would be a tie between swimming and men's gymnastics since both are very entertaining.  Have you seen the video of the swim team?

I am almost ready for bed since I just want to watch a few more events and then go to bed since I have to be in the pool for a long time tomorrow!

But you don't know which page to turn to, do you?

Yesterday I started to reread the Harry Potter series again.  With all of this Hunger Games craze, I just reread that series and needed to be reminded of what started it all.  I realized that this made me a little sad.

When I started reading Harry Potter for the first time, it was before the craze started.  I had no idea that Harry was a wizard and I think it made the books even better for being able to discover that for myself.

I love that there are these books that make kids want to join up and read before the movie comes out but sometimes I wish that my future potential children would have the option to read these books and make all of the fun plot discoveries by themselves.  I know that there will be other books that will be new and different for them but it makes me sad when I see kids who don't read in favor of TV.  To be fair, a number of parenting technique that I witness make me a little sad but on the flip side, I know some truly amazing parents who are in the process of raising some pretty stellar kids.

Sorry it has taken me so long to post.  I couldn't think of anything that I felt was important enough to follow the last post.

There are some new and exciting things brewing but more on that when they work out a little more clearly.

We Can Burn Brighter Than The Sun

My grandma passed away this week.  It's hard for me to talk about since it's hard for people to understand since our relationship was so unique.

For about 22 years, my grandma and great-aunt lived in the four room house next door to mine.  Growing up, my parents added a door to our house so that Lizzie and I could run to their house through the backyard rather than venturing out to the front.  It didn't matter if we were living across the street or just next door, if we used the front door, she always worried that we wouldn't get home safely.  The door knocker on that house still says "Emilia's Second Home."  If my parents weren't home when I got dropped off, that's where I ended up to do art projects or watch ballets on video or just hang out with auntie and grandma.

It's only upon looking at our relationship when I was growing up now that I realize that my grandma helped keep me a kid as long as possible.  She would come over every night and read to me until I fell asleep.  When I was older and was reading on my own, she would sit with me while I finished the chapter (or the book) and either read something else or read the dictionary.  She told me her dad used to read the dictionary so she figured she may as well.  I don't know if she ever made it that far since she always seemed to be starting over.

The Einstein quote "If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairytales" seems most fitting since she read me Peter Pan or Brambly Hedge, the same stories night after night yet she always read what I requested.  It didn't matter that I was becoming too old to have stories read to me every night, she was the last person I saw before I feel asleep and the first person to greet me in the morning.  When she and my mom would go to the ballet, Dad would be tasked with reading to me and it still took me ages longer to fall asleep than when Grandma did.

I wasn't the easiest child but I knew I had screwed up when she felt she had to tell me I was out of line.  She made me soup when I was sick, came over when I had crazy early mornings for fun activities and woke me up for school with breakfast almost every morning.  It just occurred to me that this is probably the reason I am so distrustful of alarm clocks and they make me so paranoid, I can't count on them like I could count on Grandma.

My aunt asked what my Grandma's favorite charity was and realizing that I had no idea, I asked my parents.  Both of them looked stumped for a minute until my dad comments: "Emilia and Lizzie's wallets."  She spoiled both of us rotten.  She would fund trips for Lizzie and I to do sister things or go shopping or whatever but there were times we knew we couldn't tell Grandma we wanted something or we would end up with it and Mommy would not be pleased.

When my parents both worked full time, Grandma would sometimes take Lizzie and I shopping but we would take a cab there and a cab back which is not so common in the South Bay.  While sitting in the cab, we would help her make sure her wallet was organized.  It was never the disaster that mine is now but our job was to make sure that "George Washingtons' heads were all going the same way."  To this day, it makes me crazy when the president's don't all face the same way.  She also ironed money if it wasn't crisp enough or went through the wash.  I still think that's a little strange but she did it so it must be cool.

There are those people who have their grandmas that raise them and then there are those who never see or know their grandmas and I was lucky to have such an amazing one in my life.  It hit me when I came home last night since I park in their driveway that she's never going to happen to come out when I get home.

I've always known that I would get to this point eventually but losing her was once one of my greatest fears.  I lost sleep as a kid trying to imagine what my life would be like when she could no longer be in it.  What I've realized is that she's always wanted me to live my life for me and that she always just loved being a part of that.  There are a billion more stories to tell about her from our twenty three years together and I look forward to telling my future offspring about what an amazing woman  my grandma was.  If I can be even half as amazing as she is, I will have lived a good life.

Do You Believe in Miracles?

Happy New Year!

So in retrospect, 2011 wasn't my best year but I learned a whole lot about myself and I think gained more tools to improve my future opportunities and potential.  I decided that 2012 will be the year I try to challenge myself more and try new things.

On to better things.  I recently help name a cat.  If you know me, you know that I am totally not a cat person.  I am pretty allergic to them and they bore me a whole lot more than dogs but this was the cat of my best friend, so I will do my best to like it.  I suggested to name him (the cat in question) Sheldon since we had some many good times watching The Big Bang Theory last year and in case you don't watch the show, the main character has a song which is sung to him while he's sick called Soft Kitty.  Meagan and I sang it to each other for fun sometimes.  It's hard being 3,000 miles from her so I'm really hoping that I can make it out there in the spring.

The last few weeks have brought some interesting opportunities that I am debating.  I promise to get more into all those options once I have a clearer idea what I think I will end up doing.  It's been nice to have projects to work on.

I have also retaken up knitting.  I am trying to get better at it because I know that I am slowly getting towards the age where my friends are going to start getting married and having kids and it would be great to be able to make things for all these future children.  My other goal is to make an acceptable helmet liner for Meagan since apparently other ladies make these and give them away and she better be wearing one of mine and not one of these ladies.

So, things I have been enjoying of late about being unemployed.  I got to go to a taping of Chelsea Lately yesterday.  It's actually the episode I'm watching on TV now.  I'm glad I went to a show like this because it was filmed in one take rather than having to watch them do the same jokes again and again.  Rush and sorority life were great prep for being part of the studio audience especially when they are recording that sections as the noise to represent the whole audience.  It's a lot of clapping, fake laughter, (well some of it, everyone on that show is pretty funny to begin with) and cheering.  Next time, I'm bringing a book though since the waiting to get in was about twice as long as the taping.

It just occurred to me that it's been over a month since I updated this so I should probably address the holiday season that just passed.  Lizzie came home for a bit and walked in to her surprise Hanukkah present which was a Christmas tree.  For some reason, every person that I mentioned this tree to proceeded to then ask me, "Aren't you Jewish?" For anyone that questioned that, YES I AM A JEW.  I have been for almost 23 years.  Well, depending on who you ask, the amount of time I have been a Jew might change... It's a long story but if you're curious, ask.  I forgot how many amazing ornaments my mom's family had given her over the years.  We also discovered that somehow, Lizzie made no ornaments in school so almost all the little kid craft ones were mine.  Getting the tree was a debacle on its own but it was so ridiculous, I won't get into it.

New Year's Eve is normally such a let down.  Going out to bars are crowded and awkward but you never meet anyone new by just seeing the same people you see all year.  This year, I decided that I was just going to have people from all my different groups of west coast friends over and we were just going to hang out.  There were no expectations of what the night would hold and it was exactly what I wanted.  It was super relaxed and I didn't have to deal with anyone I didn't want to which was perfect.  I would do it again.

Other updates, if you need to get a hold of me and don't have my e-mail or phone number, I have a twitter (ekubokirs) or leave me a comment here, or ravelry.com if you are crafty.  I love that site.

I will try to update this more often but it will probably start being more commentary and less about life.

Sun Is Shining

Okay so quick catching up on my life.

I am still looking for a full time position and trying to occupy my time with other part time adventures.  I am the advisor for a teen leadership group which I am loving because those kids are rockstars.  The program has them plan four events and I just have to help them stay focused and facilitate some of their discussion.  It's not the most exciting thing I have ever done but these kids are fantastic.  During their weekend retreat, we would give them a time to be someplace and they would not only be on time but early and sitting around in a circle, playing a game they organized themselves.  They function well as a group which is not always the case with teenagers, especially since they don't have very much in common.

A few weeks ago, I started developing a teaching assistant program for my local synagogue to help their teenagers feel more confident working with kids in a classroom setting.  I wrote out an outline and submitted it to the education director and found out today that they have a budget to pay me and I start teaching at the end of January.

Working on this program is going to be super stressful for the next month but since most places are slowing down (if not freezing) hiring due to the end of the year, it seems to come at the perfect time.  It's also looking like it might lead to more part time things through the synagogue in the future.

It's looking like I am going to stay in Southern California for a while because I am realizing that I hate the cold!

I will attempt to update this now with the progress on my extra projects and will hopefully have good news on the employment front in the early new year.

Here Comes the Sun, Here Comes the Sun, and I Say, It's All Right

So here goes the next update on my life because I feel guilty not keeping up a little.

I decided to go back to camp this summer to lifeguard.  This is the first summer that I don't have campers and the first summer back since 2008.  It's strange because so much has changed but there are other things that have stayed the same as they always have been.

I love being able to spend most of my time in the sun after being cooped up inside last summer and a fair amount during the year.  The people who are working this summer are great and it's been great to get to know new people and spend time with my old friends who I haven't had much time with over the last few years, mostly due to the distance.

There are no updates on the long-term future yet other than a move to DC might not happen until January since the potential roommate will be moving then rather than September as originally planned.

Sorry for being boring :) but camp rules my life right now in the best of ways.  I really needed a little time off while I continue to look for a job and figure out the long term.

You've got every right, To a beautiful life. Come on!

Here we go, my last real Lehigh post for this blog.  For the sake of full disclosure, I should mentioned that I am writing this on a plane the day after graduation with the intention of posting this online when I get back to Los Angeles later this afternoon. 

So picking up where I think I left off last time.  We went to Ocean City, MD for Senior Week the week before graduation and reunion weekend so Thursday to Thursday.  It was nice to have friends in the car with me for a drive like that because I normally have to do drives of similar distance alone and it was nice to have someone to talk to.  Anyone who has a chance to get to go on a senior trip should take all advantage.  It was nice to have a week off to just spend time with the friends who I am about to leave since everything will be different now.  We met new people, got lucky with far better weather than was forecasted and had a lot of fun.  We were supposed to have a lot of rain and clouds but we had a fair amount of nice weather, which meant good things for getting tan for gradation. 

The weekend before graduation is reunion weekend meaning that all of the classes celebrating significant reunions (ie 70 years) come back to campus and celebrate with their classes and essentially welcome the new class into the alumni world.  There is a parade of classes, which starts with the current graduating class and then goes from oldest to youngest (so we started with 70^th reunion) and leaves the 50^th reunion for last since they are the class that adopted us.  It’s strange to think that in 2057, I can go back and be a part of the group that adopts the class of 2061.  There are all sorts of activities to do but my weekend included a LOT of packing.  I never thought I would have accumulated so much stuff over only four years!

On Sunday, I had the unique opportunity of watching my best friend become a commissioned officer in the United States Army.  She and eleven other graduations were commissioned as second Lieutenants who will handle a variety of things from infantry to personnel all over the country.  It was cool to watch because her dad was the one to issue her oath to her since he is a retired naval officer and the requirement is to be an officer in the US Military.  He did stand out a bit in the midst of all of the other Army officers in his dress whites.  My best friend is an amazing person and I am so proud of her for taking on this commitment.  It was really nice to be able to share in her special day with her.

Monday morning, my housemates and I were up really early (well, like 7ish) in order to get up to the stadium for graduation.  Our robes were rentals that we were told might run if they got wet so it was a risk since it looked like rain and the forecast was for thunderstorms all day and the ceremony was outdoors.  We all graduate by college (meaning CBE versus Arts and Sciences etc) and then the split us up by half of the alphabet so I realized that I have very few friends in my business school in my half of the alphabet so I almost decided to just graduate with the other half of the alphabet in Arts and Sciences. 

Having been to graduations in the past, I was worried at how long it would take since there were over 1,700 people graduating and we all had to walk across the stage.  Most other schools do main processionals with a speaker or two and then departmental or college graduations but we have the entire university graduate together which I like because I got to watch my friends graduate even if it meant that the process was a little long.  I think our class president stole the show with his speech about how everything was changing but also addressing the question of how we are going to be defined as people and as a generation.  Our keynote speaker only spoke for about ten minutes, which was great because she got her point across but also realized that we were being rained on at this point.  There was enough rain that it started to drip off my cap onto my gown but luckily, they were wrong and the gown didn’t bleed and stain. 

HOODS ARE CONFUSING!  We have an entire group of collegiate graduates (or candidates for graduation as we were called then) and none of us could figure out how to correctly put on these hoods!  They came with instructions but the instructions only defined how to put them on by the basics, not how they were supposed to look when we were finished.  We improvised a fair amount but I think we all looked pretty good in the end; well as good as you can look in giant brown robes and silly hats.  Part of me wants a PhD just for the crazy plushy hat. 

I never considered myself the type of student that was really close to my professors but it was interesting listening to my parents recounting watching me graduate.  Our ushers are faculty members so they are all in their academic regalia and one of the ushers right next the podium which are names were read was one of the professors who joined us on our freshman GC trip to India and he smiled at me, told me I would do well in life and gave me a huge hug.  Two seconds later, I handed my card to one of my professors from this past semester, she had been just taking cards and reading them but she took mine, read it and then looked up and smiled at me.  It might be weird, but I felt really good in that moment like despite all of the uncertainty in my life, if these people thought I would be successful then it must be possible.  It got even better when I ran into one of my favorite professors, Jill Brown (seriously, take every class possible with her, she’s AWESOME) and she had nice things to say in front of my parents about me but she is such a genuine person and I know she expects great things of me and for her, I want to accomplish great things. 

So that brings me to this moment, flying somewhere between Philadelphia and Nashville on my way back to the land of Menchies, In-N-Out and Coffee Bean with no definite idea of what comes next.  Maybe I will post on this one again about what did end up coming next but I have a feeling Lehigh will unlink my blog before I find out. 

On that note, if you have read my blog, try those of the other student bloggers.  Everyone has a different Lehigh experience, it’s not an education factory but so much more than that and just as no two people are exactly the same, neither are two Lehigh experiences.  Maybe I will give one more final recap of my four years when I have a little more space from the experience but again, I have no idea what the future looks like so we shall see.

I Never Want To Fall Apart

So using this blog as my usual procrastination tool, here I am.  I know I still have a fair amount of work left to do today since I got nothing done yesterday due to other engagements but I just keep having moments where I sit here and think, "I should tell more people about this moment."  Right now, I am a little annoyed because I am in the serious library in the quiet section where everyone who does not want silence has headphones in but the place should be silent otherwise.  However, there are two people talking, lacking all hushed tones necessary to not get the evil looks from EVERYONE else.  Someone also left their cellphone on ring, a big faux pax in the library but to make it worse rather then immediately silencing it and taking it outside to take the call, she proceeds to take the call inside.  I don't know if this would bother me so much except that it is the weekend before finals when getting a seat in the library is an ordeal in itself due to demand and everyone is here to get work done, not just have a quiet place to see friends as is sometimes the case during other weeks.  

If I tell you all my plan for the rest of the day, the likelihood of achieving it is greater since then I feel like I am being held accountable to someone besides myself.  I have to finish my section of the group deliverables for project management then I am going to finish my question set for 306 then work on my study guide for global studies.  I can finish the study guide and work on the paper tomorrow but I want to get as far ahead as possible so I can get some more sleep tonight since even the guy at Johnnys told me I was looking tired.  That is never a good sign since he sees me maybe twice a week.

I need to have dinner at home since I am trying to finish eating everything I have in the freezer at the moment, I am currently down to some frozen pizza, pirogues, waffles and cake.  I think I may have one other lean cuisine type thing.  

At the moment I miss three things about the Georgetown library, one is coffee, two is the company and three is the lack of windows.  Their coffee place was conveniently located near the table that our group took over and open almost the entire time I was there with good snacks and fantastic coffee options.  I miss Ashley and the others and our (almost) 24 hour study table as all of us tried to finish our research papers, issue papers and finals.  They all provided a much needed break every once in a while and constant security which was necessary for food runs.  Finally, it is a beautiful day outside right now and all of the windows in this library are just showing me what I am missing out on.  Sitting in Georgetown's library meant getting a glimpse of the outside world but no real constant taunting like I am getting right now.  I just want to be past all of these things being due so I can enjoy the sun and go do fun stuff.

I do get to look forward to a little time in DC next week to help Liz and see Reagan for his birthday.  Very excited since that should also be the end of my college career by then.

La la la, whatever, la la la, it doesn't matter, la la la, oh well

Tomorrow I begin the last week of classes of my undergraduate career.  It's strange to think about because the truth is that I can only tell you snapshots of what I will be doing next, like when I will be in Northern California for a wedding but I have no  idea what my day to day life will be like after May 23rd.  Part of me is okay with this but most of me knows that this is a very uncomfortable experience and I really just don't know how to cope with any of it.  Right now I am stressed beyond belief because even though it feels like most of my school work is under control, it isn't totally under control and there are so many bigger questions that need answers.

This is one of the last posts I will write as a Lehigh blogger, the next post will inevitably be about the last loose ends of my semester and then maybe one about senior week/graduation but if you are lucky, maybe they will be two separate posts.

I am being all depressing because I can't sleep and I am excited for this week, there are still all sorts of things going on, events celebrating that we are seniors and such so that part is something worth looking forward to.  Now if only I could get through the mountains for work first.

Spread the word in stereo At the speed of sound

The last week has been insane!  There has been so much going on but it was nice because I didn't have very many academic obligations.

I guess the most interesting things were all this past weekend with sorority activities, Candidate's Day and Sundaze, plus a visit from a friend who graduated last year.

Saying that I just had my FINAL sorority formal is really strange, we only have them once a year, meaning that I have only been to three but it still seems like such a giant ending.  It was nice to get some time to just spend with friends and dance, having a good time because we won't have very much time together to do that.

This year, the nearest alumnae chapter of my sorority was also kind enough to have a senior service for us which welcomed us into the alumnae community which also had everyone in my pledge class announcing where they were going next year and it was kind of reassuring that there are still a fair number of people who don't know what comes next.  These woman all have very different life experiences and it was really nice being able to meet all of them and get some great breakfast :).  I hope they choose to continue this service in the future.

Candidate's Day is one of those events that seems so much the same every year even though there are always new people here.  There are the kids who have no desire to be here for whatever reason who let their parents run everything and then there are the other kids who are super excited the entire time.  I bet the bookstore makes bank those days, their bags are everywhere!  I did get to talk to a lot of potential Economics majors which was really interesting.  When I started at Lehigh, I thought I was going to be a marketing major or maybe even a dual degree but four years later, I don't think I would have been able to do as much outside the classroom if I had followed through with those plans.  Some people have a defined course they want to take, others think they do but then college gives you the time to figure out exactly what you want and then you find a completely different path.  It was cool meeting the future of Lehigh since for the first time, I won't be here when they are.

Sundaze is one of those experiences that I cannot figure out why I did not have previously.  Seriously, I have been wracking my brain for weeks trying to figure out why I didn't go freshman or sophomore year.  Although it was not sunny out, the weather was okay so it was fun.  I got to spend the afternoon hanging out on Sayre Field with my friends and getting a lot of free stuff.  What college kid turns down free stuff?

Okay now I have updated you all a bit but I have  more things that I must be off to do, like find a grown-up job.

Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'

So I shall start by saying that I have a test in two hours that I am thoroughly unprepared for but something just happened that I feel would be good to comment on here especially since I have been having writer's block lately when it comes to this blog.

So I just saw a kid look at me for a minute, then smile finally figuring out where he knew me from.  We all experience those out of context sightings but college is different since in the back of our minds, we know that everyone else is a student to some extent, we see them in plain clothes most of the time but we all vary on what our attire is on a day to day basis meaning, for example, my laundry days are generally over the weekend so I will opt for sweats as opposed to the other people who go to class each day in sweats.  

It is still strange to see someone you know from a club where they have power in a place like the library where they are working in a group or in class where they are no longer the ones in charge but rather have to listen to a higher power than themselves.

A few more quick things before I ensure that I get some studying done before this test (since that is the reason I woke up early, I was not ready for my alarm this morning).  Had a really great weekend, spending time time with my sister, the Hirabayashi family, Meagan, Sean and seeing what the Annapolis social life was like.  The last part was probably up there with the most interesting because it was so different from Lehigh's but I guess that is the fun with knowing people at other colleges, you get to see and experience different things by just going to visit and keeping up with old friends.

Okay, now I really have to study.

Riding on the Curl Straight into the Shore

First and foremost, HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY CAMPBELL!  I hope that my adorable cousin had a fantastic day with his grandma, parents and big brother.

Now for the usual Lehigh update.  This week has been INSANE!  I don't know if I have ever been so busy and things just kept coming that had to be taken care of.  There were so many things I wish I could have had time for this week like a thorough enjoyment of St. Patrick's Day but they just didn't happen in the scope of trying to balance all of my other responsibilities.

We are less than ten weeks from graduation, it feels like a lifetime away on one hand but on the other, that is two and a half months which is nothing.  I ordered my cap and gown and announcements yesterday which was a shocking reality of how close to the end I am.  Senior year of college is like a more stressful version of senior year of high school, everyone asks what your plans for the following year are and most people have no idea how to answer that.  The questions start coming even before senior year starts and you still have to worry about the balancing act of classes and other involvement in addition to looking for a job and updating all the necessary materials.

Everyone told me that my life would get easier after Vagina Monologues was over but I am still waiting for that day.  To be honest, it's nice to not have the hold in my life because I am still doing all sorts of other things I love instead.

Okay, it's time to get back to my to do list.

It's a Brand New Day

School starts again tomorrow.  I got to spend a week in glorious weather to come back to cloudy blah.  It was shockingly rocky on the boat which was different than what I was expecting.  I am not one to get super motion sick but even I thought it was bad.  The weather was fantastic minus the first day and the last day but the worst weather was the first day so it just got better.  A whole day at sea down south meant everyone spent the whole day at the pool which was great.

Spring break was nice to hang out with friends, some I see a bunch and others who I haven't seen in ages but also meet some new people.  There were a ton of other spring break kids on the boat so it was a lot of fun since there were a ton of other college kids around rather than only a ton of families.

Second semester is rough when we only have the one week off but it was glorious to have the time to relax We spent multiple days doing nothing but laying in the sun and reading.  I love to read so I actually got a chance to kick back and read for fun.  It was a chance I haven't gotten very often with other breaks because there were places to go and people to see.  I didn't have to worry about anything this week other than sunscreen, there were a lot of very sunburned people on this cruise and it looked very painful.  I currently have to catch up on a lot of TV shows from this week.  Of course all my shows were on a mini hiatus the week before spring break and then I missed them all while I was gone.  I have some work to do but it's not as much as past breaks.

I should apologize now for the spelling mistakes and other mistakes because I am still exhausted.  The time change today was also a little rough knowing how much stuff I had to get done today but so far, I got some food, went grocery shopping and then started getting work done.  There are so many things to do!

With that, I have to get some real homework done now.

Keep on moving through all this hustle

Today I fell in love with a new album.  It is Katie Costello's Lamplight and although I am a little behind on the times, her EP Cityscape.  There are very few albums I can listen to from beginning to end without skipping any tracks partway through even on the first listen but hers has been the perfect soundtrack to my day from start to finish.  I haven't flipped past a song yet which is mostly due to the amazing music and partly due to the desire to protect my hands from the freezing temperatures outside.  I have heard Katie perform in person at a benefit my sister put on when Katie was a Junior in high school at my alma mater.   It's hard to find artists these day who sound just as good in person as they do in their recorded music but she is one of those hard to find artists.  From Facebook, it's obvious that her growing fame has not caused her to forget who she is as an artist and a person and she has kept her friends close even though she splits her time between two very distant cities.  While I cannot claim to be a friend by any means, it's still pretty cool that we went to the same high school and I did have the pleasure of passing her in the halls during the two years we overlapped.

On to my life.  I am finished with classes until after Spring Break which would normally be a liberating feeling but I have soooo much laundry to do (I have been pushing it off for a while...) that I won't have a chance to enjoy the freedom until all that and the packing gets done.  Along with what seems to be half the school, my best friend and I are headed off on a cruise to get some sun.  The dilemma with second semester is that we only get spring break meaning that we have to wait through seven weeks of class to get a break which is not a natural break in the semester to then come back and go back to full steam ahead for the next seven weeks before finals.  I am convinced that this is a good portion of the reason second semester drags far more than first semester.  The other reason is of course the weather but I will get to that in a minute.  First semester, we get pacing break at the beginning of October and Thanksgiving at the end of November which splits the semester into three roughly equal parts which works with the testing system most teachers utilize.  I got lucky and had no tests this week and none the week we get back so I sort of get away with not doing anything over the break.  I will admit to having some classwork to finish but the likelihood of it getting done while I am on the boat is minimal.

Spring break seems to split students into two groups, the ones who head south with friends for what they hope to be a crazy week and the other who head home or to a friends with the intent of re-cooperating and refreshing for the rest of the semester, some of the latter group tries to get ahead or catch up on more independent work.  I am happy to say that I think I fall in between the groups, I am going to get some sun but also get some rest.

Okay back to the weather.  It has been a very tricky thing of late.  Today, it was freezing, last week it was nice and sunny.  I would like it to sort itself out.  Almost all of the snow and ice has melted from the warmth of last week but it's time for winter to be over and for spring to come.  It would be nice not to have to pile on a million layers to walk to class.  I have shorts that I would really like to wear when I get back from spring break.

I think I have made up for the lag in posts with this monster post.  Be back after spring break!

Leave all your love and your longing behind

I now have to figure out what my new normal is. Our Vagina Monologues performances were this past weekend and that means that a lot of the stress and pressure is now off. All I have left is to wait for some more donations to come in from local businesses and families and complete a couple of follow-up reports. Other than that, I have a lot of things to do for classes and I got to start again at work this week. It should be an interesting time.

Producing Vagina Monologues taught me a lot about Lehigh that I never knew before. I have always known that Lehigh consisted of amazing people but I got to meet a lot more of those people.  Friday was an incredibly stressful day but it helped that I had a ton of other people I had never met before helping to load my car and take a lot of the stress off.  Throughout this process, people came out of the woodwork to help make things run more smoothly, whether it be to just come to an event to support friends or offer specials to help us raise money for our goal.

On Wednesday morning, I got to run around to a bunch of offices in Alumni Memorial to pass out hot chocolate in our specialty cups which mean I got to meet a lot of the staff I may not have met otherwise.  It was a lot of fun because I don't know how often students venture into those offices without needing anything. 

I have already raved about the Women's Center but seriously, they are AWESOME!  I don't know if it is possible to find a more supportive group of people.

I have been distracted about a million times but I have to go now and tend to my other responsibilities.