We Can Burn Brighter Than The Sun

My grandma passed away this week.  It's hard for me to talk about since it's hard for people to understand since our relationship was so unique.

For about 22 years, my grandma and great-aunt lived in the four room house next door to mine.  Growing up, my parents added a door to our house so that Lizzie and I could run to their house through the backyard rather than venturing out to the front.  It didn't matter if we were living across the street or just next door, if we used the front door, she always worried that we wouldn't get home safely.  The door knocker on that house still says "Emilia's Second Home."  If my parents weren't home when I got dropped off, that's where I ended up to do art projects or watch ballets on video or just hang out with auntie and grandma.

It's only upon looking at our relationship when I was growing up now that I realize that my grandma helped keep me a kid as long as possible.  She would come over every night and read to me until I fell asleep.  When I was older and was reading on my own, she would sit with me while I finished the chapter (or the book) and either read something else or read the dictionary.  She told me her dad used to read the dictionary so she figured she may as well.  I don't know if she ever made it that far since she always seemed to be starting over.

The Einstein quote "If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairytales" seems most fitting since she read me Peter Pan or Brambly Hedge, the same stories night after night yet she always read what I requested.  It didn't matter that I was becoming too old to have stories read to me every night, she was the last person I saw before I feel asleep and the first person to greet me in the morning.  When she and my mom would go to the ballet, Dad would be tasked with reading to me and it still took me ages longer to fall asleep than when Grandma did.

I wasn't the easiest child but I knew I had screwed up when she felt she had to tell me I was out of line.  She made me soup when I was sick, came over when I had crazy early mornings for fun activities and woke me up for school with breakfast almost every morning.  It just occurred to me that this is probably the reason I am so distrustful of alarm clocks and they make me so paranoid, I can't count on them like I could count on Grandma.

My aunt asked what my Grandma's favorite charity was and realizing that I had no idea, I asked my parents.  Both of them looked stumped for a minute until my dad comments: "Emilia and Lizzie's wallets."  She spoiled both of us rotten.  She would fund trips for Lizzie and I to do sister things or go shopping or whatever but there were times we knew we couldn't tell Grandma we wanted something or we would end up with it and Mommy would not be pleased.

When my parents both worked full time, Grandma would sometimes take Lizzie and I shopping but we would take a cab there and a cab back which is not so common in the South Bay.  While sitting in the cab, we would help her make sure her wallet was organized.  It was never the disaster that mine is now but our job was to make sure that "George Washingtons' heads were all going the same way."  To this day, it makes me crazy when the president's don't all face the same way.  She also ironed money if it wasn't crisp enough or went through the wash.  I still think that's a little strange but she did it so it must be cool.

There are those people who have their grandmas that raise them and then there are those who never see or know their grandmas and I was lucky to have such an amazing one in my life.  It hit me when I came home last night since I park in their driveway that she's never going to happen to come out when I get home.

I've always known that I would get to this point eventually but losing her was once one of my greatest fears.  I lost sleep as a kid trying to imagine what my life would be like when she could no longer be in it.  What I've realized is that she's always wanted me to live my life for me and that she always just loved being a part of that.  There are a billion more stories to tell about her from our twenty three years together and I look forward to telling my future offspring about what an amazing woman  my grandma was.  If I can be even half as amazing as she is, I will have lived a good life.

Do You Believe in Miracles?

Happy New Year!

So in retrospect, 2011 wasn't my best year but I learned a whole lot about myself and I think gained more tools to improve my future opportunities and potential.  I decided that 2012 will be the year I try to challenge myself more and try new things.

On to better things.  I recently help name a cat.  If you know me, you know that I am totally not a cat person.  I am pretty allergic to them and they bore me a whole lot more than dogs but this was the cat of my best friend, so I will do my best to like it.  I suggested to name him (the cat in question) Sheldon since we had some many good times watching The Big Bang Theory last year and in case you don't watch the show, the main character has a song which is sung to him while he's sick called Soft Kitty.  Meagan and I sang it to each other for fun sometimes.  It's hard being 3,000 miles from her so I'm really hoping that I can make it out there in the spring.

The last few weeks have brought some interesting opportunities that I am debating.  I promise to get more into all those options once I have a clearer idea what I think I will end up doing.  It's been nice to have projects to work on.

I have also retaken up knitting.  I am trying to get better at it because I know that I am slowly getting towards the age where my friends are going to start getting married and having kids and it would be great to be able to make things for all these future children.  My other goal is to make an acceptable helmet liner for Meagan since apparently other ladies make these and give them away and she better be wearing one of mine and not one of these ladies.

So, things I have been enjoying of late about being unemployed.  I got to go to a taping of Chelsea Lately yesterday.  It's actually the episode I'm watching on TV now.  I'm glad I went to a show like this because it was filmed in one take rather than having to watch them do the same jokes again and again.  Rush and sorority life were great prep for being part of the studio audience especially when they are recording that sections as the noise to represent the whole audience.  It's a lot of clapping, fake laughter, (well some of it, everyone on that show is pretty funny to begin with) and cheering.  Next time, I'm bringing a book though since the waiting to get in was about twice as long as the taping.

It just occurred to me that it's been over a month since I updated this so I should probably address the holiday season that just passed.  Lizzie came home for a bit and walked in to her surprise Hanukkah present which was a Christmas tree.  For some reason, every person that I mentioned this tree to proceeded to then ask me, "Aren't you Jewish?" For anyone that questioned that, YES I AM A JEW.  I have been for almost 23 years.  Well, depending on who you ask, the amount of time I have been a Jew might change... It's a long story but if you're curious, ask.  I forgot how many amazing ornaments my mom's family had given her over the years.  We also discovered that somehow, Lizzie made no ornaments in school so almost all the little kid craft ones were mine.  Getting the tree was a debacle on its own but it was so ridiculous, I won't get into it.

New Year's Eve is normally such a let down.  Going out to bars are crowded and awkward but you never meet anyone new by just seeing the same people you see all year.  This year, I decided that I was just going to have people from all my different groups of west coast friends over and we were just going to hang out.  There were no expectations of what the night would hold and it was exactly what I wanted.  It was super relaxed and I didn't have to deal with anyone I didn't want to which was perfect.  I would do it again.

Other updates, if you need to get a hold of me and don't have my e-mail or phone number, I have a twitter (ekubokirs) or leave me a comment here, or ravelry.com if you are crafty.  I love that site.

I will try to update this more often but it will probably start being more commentary and less about life.